Barely Cinderella


Joe Kowalski



I gawt a cawl and oy was weery--

It was Chuck “Buttfayce” Tooth Feeairy.

He says “Naw sweetie, we gawt a case,

And oy know ya gawt that summa place

You’re s’pposed t’be relaxin’ at

But this is maw impawtant than thee-at.”

I groaned and picked at sev’ral nayils.

But thawt “Let’s see whut this entayils.”

I guess some little shee-it gawt snubbed

From some pawsh dance with some rich bub.

“Entoytled beeitch,” I sniff. I lawight

A ciggie before oy sighed, “Awright.

But only cuz oy owe ya one.”

Gawd, I hayte that Chuck a ton.

I flew moyself to this gross little teeown

Where I found the lil bree-at breakin’ deeown,

Sobbin’ how she had no dress.

I rolled moy eyes. “D’not distress.

Fairy Gawdmotha, yadda yadda yadda.

Let’s mee-ake this quick: oy gotta full bladda.

Poof. Thee-air. No maw cries.

Now oy gotta get back befaw ‘Days of Ah Loyves.’”

That frickin’ kid had sucha dumb smoyle

As she left t’go ta that dance in stoyle.

I woynder whateva happened t’hoyr–

The rest of the night was kinda a bloyr

‘Cause a woylock stayed ova and shared me some booze.

But now that I sit he-air and start to mee-use,

I...don’t think I toyd hoyr ‘bout the Midnight clawse...

Eh. Ah we-ell. We all gotta flaws.